I'm Going to Miss this Place

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about what it will be like to be home. I want to clarify what I mean by a lot. I mean somewhere between 80 and 90% of my waking hours since last Sunday. Boring classes and lack of interest are perfect conditions for daydreaming. When I’m not focused intently on grammar I’m wondering how things will be different when I come home. So all last week I’ve been itching to get out of here. School tends to do that to me. But then the weekend hit and suddenly I’m faced with these confusing mixed feelings about leaving. Today was a pretty awesome day by any standards. With so little time left my friends and I hung out for what will likely be the last time before I leave. We did karaoke, bowling, picture club, and yakiniku. I found myself thinking, I’m going to miss this when I go home. I kind of wish my flight was tomorrow and I kind of wish I had another three months. Here are my conflicting reasons.

Things I miss:
My family – whom I haven’t seen in 10 months. People ask me if I’m homesick and I say no, I’m not homesick. The word sick is in there for a reason. I was homesick in the beginning and I know that feeling. It’s a gut-wrenching, tear-jerking, horrendous feeling. It made me lose my appetite, cry my eyes out, and all sorts of other horrible things. This is not that. This feeling is more like I haven’t seen the people who love me and I love the most in the whole world in a long time. Longer, by quite a margin, than I’ve ever been apart from them before. So it’s an intense longing for them but not homesickness.

My friends – or at least most of my friends. There are those of you that I could go another few years without seeing. You know who you are Nate. Oops. Just kidding. Don’t worry. I miss you too buddy. When I think about coming home I get most excited thinking about bonfires, Frisbee, Lighthouse at night, and all the other amazing things we have done in the past. When I have a day out with my friends here I’m home by 9:00. That’s just kind of the way it’s done. I’m looking forward to many late nights in Evanston.

Things I’ll miss:
Karaoke – is really fun. I sang my first Japanese song today. I usually can’t read the words fast enough but I’ve listened to Polyrhythm by Perfume so many times I know all the words. If any of you look this song up know that it wasn’t my choice; my class decided to dance it at the school festival next weekend and I was volunteered. I’m sure there is a karaoke joint somewhere in the U.S. but they’re nowhere near as widespread as they are here. I bet the rooms are a big bigger though. I couldn’t fit my legs under the table today.

Yakiniku – is delicious. I believe I’ve described this tasty dining experience in an earlier blog. I must have because I love it so much. This is the raw meat that you grill at your table. I love putting the freshly cooked steak over a bowl of steaming rice and gobbling it all up. I love watching meat change colors. I can tell exactly when it will be it's most delicious by what shade of brown the slice is. It’s a lot like making s’mores.

Vending machines – are everywhere. I pass something like 20 vending machines on my way home from school. Yet for all the drinks they buy you rarely if ever see a Japanese person drinking anything in public. They don’t eat or drink and walk, or ride the train, or anything else. America is a much bigger snacking culture, but our convenient stores pale in comparison. What is it that drives this divide? Oh yeah, the Japanese don’t drink water. When I first heard this I too went, “ umm, what?” But no, they don’t. I’m the only one in my house who drinks tap water. I’ve never seen anyone else drink from the tap. Tea. Tea is what they drink and what they buy at vending machines.

Trains – are always on time. I know I read like Jack Nicholson from the Shining when I say this but it still stuns me. How can trains never be late? It baffles the mind. Or maybe a better question to ask is, why are Chicago’s trains always so bad? Wait, I haven’t been there in a year, have things improved?

My friends here – have been wonderful people. I’ve only known them for ten months and I want to keep getting to know them. It feels like just as I am hitting my stride, it’s time to leave. So many great kids who have so much to share and teach me. It’s not just kids though. My host families (save the first one) are included in the people I’ll miss. And the person whom I’ve become the closest to is my teacher Ishy. I know I’ll keep in touch with many of these kids and adults for years to come. Then I can brag about my Japanese friends.

Speaking Japanese – is still the best part about being here. I find it interesting, fun, challenging, provoking, surprising, and always an adventure. There’s so much more to learn about Japanese. I can’t leave now, not with all that Japan left to discover. At the beginning of this trip I thought that after ten months I’d be perfectly fluent and done with Japan. But I’m just beginning. I will definitely return to this land of the rising sun.